Iroh's Tea
by AloofAndAndrogynous
Summary: Iroh plus Katara plus tea equals pure crack... X3


**Iroh's Tea**

It doesn't really matter how Katara and Iroh got into this situation. This fic is pure comedy, written for the hell of it and as a personal challenge to myself. I was inspired by the insane Katara/Pakku discussion thread over at the Avatar LJ community and Katiroh was brought up. So many Katara pairings…

If things seem weird/funny to you they are supposed to be. This is a funny story, not a dark/creepy one like 'Obsession'. For a hint to this weirdness see the title. Avatar: The Last Airbender does not belong to me, it belongs to Ryan DiMartino, Brian Koneitzko, and Nickelodeon…damn Nick.

The old man smiled and sipped at his tea as the door opened and in walked a shy-looking Katara.

"Greetings, lovely little Waterbender, why don't you take a seat and have some tea? It's ginseng, my favorite." he smiled as the young girl took her seat across from him.

Katara eyed him curiously, seeing that he was lacking in his armor and now wore a very comfortable-looking red silk robe. It was identical to her own and she wondered why they were wearing the same thing. Her robe was very loose and comfortable and idly she wondered if this robe belonged to him, for the silk had a faint smell of smoke and something masculine.

He had such a gentle and friendly smile on his face that it was hard to believe that he was related to that prick of a Prince who was always scowling or smirking. Or pouting or yelling. Or making threats. Or just acting like an asshole. Said Prince had kidnapped her in a plot to use her as bait to lure the Avatar, and she was sure that if it weren't for this older man, she would probably be sitting in a damp cell in the brig.

Katara picked up the teacup and sipped at it.

"Is it to your liking?" Iroh asked, still smiling. Normally she might feel odd in a situation like this, alone with an older man and dressed like this in a poorly lit room with all the windows shut. No doubt Sokka would find something wrong with this whole thing, but she didn't catch any hint of a threat from Iroh's relaxed stance or smile.

"It's really good, I've never had ginseng before." Katara admitted.

"Never?" Iroh asked with shock on his face. To imagine that the poor child never had ginseng tea! That was appalling! Well that was being remedied now!

"Drink up, sweet child, it's all for the two of us." Iroh laughed as he sipped at his tea, letting out a slow breath as its warmth trickled down his throat.

The tea was very good and Katara savored every drop, and when she set down her cup Iroh immediately refilled it much to her delight.

"So…what am I doing here?" Katara asked shyly, "I mean, I thought you were supposed to chase after the Avatar and…"

"Ahh, but that is my nephew's job, not mine. Me? I prefer to sit back and relax and enjoy the finer things in life. Like tea or a game of Pai Sho or the company of a lovely young lady…" he smiled as he noticed Katara blush a little.

She looked so sweet and shy with a blush, Iroh mused to himself as he sipped at his tea. Strangely, during all of his fantasies he had never imagined her with a blush. That inspired him to write a haiku in his head for her lovely face.

_Soft and warm round cheeks _

_How I'd just love to kiss them!_

_How my pulse quickens_

Granted, it wasn't the best haiku ever but it was good for the moment, he would remember it and write it in his journal to join his collection of poems and haiku and doodles of Katara. No one knew of the journal, it was a secret and it held all of his fond feelings for the Water Tribe girl, feelings that he nad nursed ever since he had first laid eyes upon her.

Zuko had often wondered why he would smile to himself often, but if the Prince knew he would probably be freaked out that his uncle was lusting after someone young enough to be his granddaughter.

"Thank you for the tea, it was nice." Katara said with a smile, about to bow and take her leave.

"Wait, don't leave so soon! How about a sporting game of Pai Sho?"

An hour later, both of them were naked. She was pretty sure it happened somewhere between the start of the game and when he delivered the final move after a hard-fought game, barely beating her. And he kept drinking tea. And laughing softly and making pleasant conversation.

She tried to remember how the robes had come off. He had taken off his first. And he kept filling her cup with tea. She was pretty sure he had slipped the robe off her, but she had been so relaxed and calm – perhaps it was the tea – that she had not protested. Dimly, she remembered him leaning over her with a soft smile, sliding the robe off her shoulders as he murmured soft words. She had been completely at ease.

But the room was warm so she was comfortable. The velvet of the cushion was comfortable against her legs and rear end. And Iroh wasn't too bad looking. Sure, he had a soft tum, but he wasn't what she would call 'fat' or anything, and she admired his biceps. Part of her was curious to see what was below his stomach – that view was obstructed by the table.

He smiled as he sipped at his tea – he lost count of how many cups he had. He was just happy. He made the last move, ending the game before setting down his cup and looking at the lovely Waterbender. She had small but very perky breasts and such smooth brown skin but what he adored the most were her eyes, they were of the most luminous shade of blue, as intense as the ocean and as warm as the sky.

"Now wasn't that a nice game, Katara?" Iroh asked with a wide smile.

"Yeah, it was. You're really good at this."

"I could say the same thing about you my dear, no one else has ever given me such a challenge." Iroh replied with a soft chuckle. She blushed a little and bowed her head.

The distant splashing of waves against the hull was soothing and helped add to the atmosphere.

"How do you feel?" Iroh asked. Katara shrugged, barely noticing the nakedness.

"Good. It's nice and warm in here and the tea is good…"

"Why don't you lay down on the bed, dear?" Iroh asked and she nodded. That certainly was a better idea than sleeping in a cell.

The old man had to hold back a grin as she got up, and his eyes moved up and down her body. Her legs seemed to go on forever and he longed to touch the dark nest of curls between her legs. Several more haiku rushed through his head as he watched Katara curl up loosely on the bed.

The velvet bedspread was the most luxurious thing she had ever lay on and she moaned happily as she felt it against her skin, stretching out on it very much like a large cat would. She had no idea how much of an effect this visual had on Iroh.

The retired general grinned as he felt a stirring between his legs, a stirring he hadn't felt for a long time, and got up, approaching the bed. Katara looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, the light from the lamps flickering across her skin.

"And how is the bed?"

"The bed feels marvelous, I've never felt anything so soft…" she whispered as she rubbed her cheek against the bedspread. He smiled and climbed onto the bed, sitting next to her and finding her braid. He started to unravel it, seeing thick dark brown waves spring free.

"What are you doing?" Katara asked mock chidingly and he simply laughed as he undid the rest of it and brushed it out with his fingers.

"I always thought women looked better with their hair down." he said as he lightly touched her cheek, admiring the soft skin and curve of it as he looked down at her eyes.

She shivered a little as she looked at his dark golden eyes, hearing his gentle voice speak to her as she felt his fingers on her hair and face. His touch was very gentle and soothing, and she rather liked it very much, leaning her head against his hand very much like a cat would, prompting him to stroke her forehead and chin as well.

Then his hand traveled lower, touching her shoulders, breasts, hips, stomach, thighs, all causing her to move her body closer to his hand for more pleasure. For some reason she wasn't so bothered by this situation and actually felt good. His hands were so warm.

"You…won't hurt me?" Katara whispered as she felt his fingers along her thigh.

"Good heavens no! I'm not going to do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable, I just want you to feel good. You are comfortable are you not, lovely Waterbender? Do you wish for me to stop?" Iroh asked gently and his smile put her at ease.

Her response was to wiggle against his hand and he chuckled softly, smiling down at her with genuine fondness. Her skin felt so soft and warm under his hand and there was no other woman like her. He had admired her from afar, and now she was here. What a delightful occasion! Agni had answered his prayers!

"You know you are very beautiful, don't you, my lovely little Waterbender?" Iroh asked as he looked down at her. She blushed and looked away shyly, causing him to chuckle softly.

"Oh, but it is true. You are a goddess and the way you manipulate the water is just amazing!"

"You are too kind."

"Don't be silly!" Iroh laughed again, shaking his head, "You deserve the best. And I intend to give you just that!" he added and Katara blushed even more.

"Now, there is no need to be shy around me. I won't hurt you and I'll show you the finer things in life and keep you in comfort. All I ask for in return is your sweet companionship." he whispered as he lowered his head, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Companionship?"

"From you. No one else. I would take care of you, always." Iroh said quietly, kissing her other cheek. She shivered as he pressed his lips to hers and moaned softly.

She imagined a life of comfort, of companionship from a pleasant old man who had shown nothing but kindness to her, a man with a nice laugh and a warm smile. Right now, she was so calm and relaxed, that thoughts of Sokka and Aang were the furthest thing from her mind. Next to that was the Fire Nation threat. It was as if the tea had wiped all of that away.

Katara moaned as his lips moved lower, tasting of her skin, shivering as she felt teeth and lips around her nipples. She hissed softly in pleasure.

He smiled, glad she was enjoying this, and slowly explored her body, watching as she responded to a gentle and loving touch, ignoring his own throbbing manhood as he partook of the beauty of his little Waterbender. His touch was gentle and exploring, truly reverent in her presence.

She very much enjoyed his touching, it felt nice and she didn't care if Sokka would totally disapprove of this. She could imagine him having a screaming fit, yelling incoherently and threatening to fight the whole Fire Nation if he knew one of them had touched his sister, but then Sokka wasn't here, right? She started chuckling softly at the idea of Sokka prancing around like an idiot, screaming about the Fire Nation. Iroh paused for a moment to look up at her.

"Are you ticklish?"

"Um…no."

"Were you laughing at me?" Iroh asked with a wry smile.

"Oh! No! Never! Just…um…thinking about how my brother would react to this…"

"I suppose that would be amusing, no? He would disapprove of this?"

"More than disapprove." Katara said with a shrug, and he laughed before going back to touching her. He let out a soft, satisfied breath, spreading her legs open and stroking her soft curls, causing her to shiver and moan as she arched her back.

**(part of this story has been cut out, since FanFiction Net does not allow explicit sex scenes, per their no-smut policy. Their problem, not mine. You can follow the link in my profile to the uncut version of this story) **

A while later, Zuko approached his uncle's door, needing to speak to his uncle about important business, when he heard a sudden moan. Thinking that his uncle might be sick, a glimmer of concern propelled him to open the door without knocking.

He was not prepared for the sight before him. He first registered a naked Katara with her hair messy and loose…just as he had often seen in his own fantasies and for a moment he wondered if he was dreaming.

The second thing he registered was a naked Iroh, lying below her, with said naked Waterbender on top of him, apparently in the middle of riding him.

Both of them stared at him quietly and all he could do was sputter for a few moments.

"Uncle…! What the…"

"You really should knock before you open closed doors, Zuko." Iroh gently chided as if there was nothing out of the ordinary about the situation.

"The Water Tribe girl…" Zuko choked out.

"Oh yes." Iroh chuckled softly, "She doesn't belong in the brig. She's much better off as my companion. Now if you will kindly leave us, we can go back to enjoying each other's company."

"Companion…I…you…" Zuko sputtered, still trying to process the situation. He could not tear his eyes off the bodies before him…he wanted to but he could not…it would have been a hell of a lot better if the image was sans a naked Iroh. How the hell had the Waterbender ended up here! He had ordered that she be kept secure in her cell!

"How in the name of Agni did you…"

"Agni answered my prayers." Iroh laughed, "He sent me this goddess along with some marvelous tea."

"NO!" Zuko screamed, "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG!!! AND YOU…HER…I…you…companion…ugh…been looking for…so long… Waterbender…supposed to be…not you…." he sputtered, losing control of his speech as smoke wafted out of his nose, his temper climbing out of surprise and frustration. He would have been even more shocked if he had found out the contents of Iroh's journal.

"Calm down, nephew. Go and meditate."

"NO! Unsolved…sexual tension… fire and water… been searching for… need… angst… need for love and attention… overused plot that everyone loves… supposed to be… Waterbender and Fire Prince…. ah…" he blew out some fire at the ceiling and fainted.

Katara blinked and stared at the unconscious form of the Prince, blushing furiously.

A soft chuckle met her ears as Iroh pulled her down for a kiss.


End file.
